This is a boring business-y post, so if you find marketing discussions to be dull, skip down to the part about going to hell (second-to-last paragraph). Marketing can suck, so I'm right there with you. It is so uncomfortable to "pitch" Finder Not Keeper to anyone who is not my mother or who hasn't shown me ample amounts of social media love BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHAT THE HELL TO SAY. 

First off, who am I? An antique dealer? Sort of. An artist? Not really. A decorator? I don't think so. 

The only thing I know for sure is that I am a shopkeeper. Who sells antiques, art, and decor. This makes no sense. 

My identity crisis is causing problems because if I don't know who I am or what my product is, then how can I determine who my customer is? Designers? Consumers? Realtors? Photographers?

Which leads to the question of marketplace. Where do I advertise? Which publications do I pitch for P.R?  

As these questions continue to dog me, I seek out others in the field and quiz them. Last weekend, I met Deb. She's a vintage seller in Galena, Illinois, and I love her style. She buys industrial salvage, steampunk, and plenty of taxidermy bats. At $75 each -- a steal -- I regret not buying one. Her flair for display is apparent (see photo above) and by her account, she is making a very good living selling her "junk with spunk." 

We talked about her shop and she agreed that "cash and carry" has its advantages. I complained that crating and shipping an oil painting across country is nerve-wracking. But then we talked about something even more nerve-wracking. And that's theft. 

She showed me a brass plaque she bought from a church demolition. It says, "CONFESSIONS 5:00-7:00 DAILY." She bought two, actually. The first one was stolen within hours of being put up in the shop. The next day, she hung the second plaque in the shop, and again, within hours, it was gone. Or so she thought. Later, she found it near the back door, which was locked. She thinks someone was trying to slip out with it and the locked door foiled them. 

While we chatted, she wrote a post-it note and attached it to the back of the plaque: "If you steal this, you will go to hell!" 

Amen, sister. 

Her post-it note is a perfect example of effective marketing to a target audience. Because the person who wants the plaque badly enough to risk arrest for it most likely desires it because of a connection to the message. In other words, the potential thief is potentially Catholic. 

Deb is a savvy business woman who knows her customers very very well. I would buy all her stuffed bats for the privilege of some good advice. And that goes for you too, my friends. If you have a suggestion for me, I'd love to hear it. And if you have taxidermy, I'm interested. 

Here is a link to a podcast by Alex Blumberg, former producer of This American Life. His podcast miniseries is about the starting of a podcast company. He tell stories about mistakes he makes in the entrepreneurial world -- like wearing running shoes to a meeting with a billionaire investor. If you are mourning the loss of Serial, this might be your ticket: StartUp Podcast 

Or stick around on my page and read this post: