You know when you get a crush on someone on the internet, and it is all abstract and detached until you find out that OMG! she lives in your backyard and then you can't help but inbox her? Luckily, because your backyard is Milwaukee where everyone is decent and well-mannered, your crush actually inboxes back and agrees to talk with you.

(That really is how it works in Wisconsin. Really, the only drawback is on the highway, where people don't wish to hurt the feelings of other drivers by passing them.)  

My crush is on Cassandra Smith.