Let me introduce you to the Bettys. We are four friends who, many years ago while getting squiffed together, decided to call each other ‘Betty.’ We are the founding Bettys and if you hang out with us, you are an honorary Betty.

Yes, I know. A very youthful constraint, to name ourselves after hot skater girls. But in our defense, we had just put on the middle school carnival. I challenge you to spend six hours in a gym with two hundred tweens without reverting to those vapid days.