I've been skiing nearly my whole life and have never felt comfortable in the bumps. Once I took a fancy class on how to ski moguls from a French guy named Claude. He asked me what I wanted to learn. I said I want to look like Lindsey Vonn. He told me to plant my poles, point my boobs downhill, suck in my stomach, and keep my weight forward. I said, "Don't you mean boots? Point my boots downhill?" "No Madame," he said, making hand gestures to explain, "your boobs. Eez not what you Americans say? Or teats?"