A few years ago, a police officer knocked at our door on a very rainy night, and I learned that one of my sons had been in a terrible car accident. This is not a story about the police officer, nor about that accident. This is about something small that happened the next day.

Another son flew home in a gesture of support. After talking about his brother’s accident and recovery, somehow our conversation turned towards white privilege. He said I had blind spots regarding race relations.

I was tired and stressed by the crisis at hand. His message confused me. His timing enraged me. We argued bitterly until 1 am.

The next morning, he apologized and I accepted his apology. But as my indignation faded, I was left with a sharp little pebble in my shoe that bothered me. He’d been right.

Over the next few weeks, I began assessing myself in a new light and I didn’t like what I saw in my bathroom mirror. I had to confront the fact that I’ve been graced with a status quo that has hurt so many others.

Perhaps this same scene is playing out in your house too. Maybe you are looking in the mirror and wondering, Am I part of the problem?

Non-black people everywhere are having frank conversations about racism and feeling very awkward and vulnerable. But so we must.

The depth and complexity of our country’s racial discrimination makes us feel overwhelmed. At the same time, the changes being proposed by activists make us uncomfortable. But so they must.

We want to see change that recognizes how much Black lives matter. But we can’t fool ourselves: if it’s not uncomfortable and inconvenient, then it’s not enough.

I encourage you to forget about timing — good timing is a fantasy and an excuse. Embrace what is uncomfortable. Talk with your friends and family and let the discussions be loud, angry, and in the end, with some humility, loving.

We are human. We’re made of blood and tissue and we are soft when touched. We can move and bend. We have ears and eyes. We can open them. We can change. We must change. To remain the same , to be unchanged is to be made of titanium or rock, and not human at all.

Photo by Noah Buscher via Unsplash.